R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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