I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
