am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
