big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
