i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
