i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
even my farts smell like vagina
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
