So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
