I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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