Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
