She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
