Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
