I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
