i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
