Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
