Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
