Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
