I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize