On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
