all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
