I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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