We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I smell stomach acid.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize