well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
