i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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