It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
