Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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