I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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