from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
