I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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