Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
