Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
