well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
