Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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