I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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