we made out on top of his cat.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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