Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
