Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
