I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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