So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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