It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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