Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I FOUND THE LEGS
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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