I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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