Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize