pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
