What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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