I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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