he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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