How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
