Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
