4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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