How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
