i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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