Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
