My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
