i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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