Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
