it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
