Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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