The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
