He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
