I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
