if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
