she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
