So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize