I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How does it feel to date your dad?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
