id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
