i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
