Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
