Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize